The Five Pillars of Mental Fitness

At a recent women’s event here in San Diego, I asked a simple question: “How many of you feel like you're constantly juggling all the things—career, relationships, family, house—and your own well-being often takes a backseat?”

A number of hands shot up. So did mine—because even as a clinical psychologist and mental fitness devotee, I still catch myself trying to be everything to everyone.

I know it’s not just me. Many of us strive to do it all, trying to balance the demands of our personal and professional lives… But that can often mean putting our own well-being off to the side. 

However, the reality is that true health isn't just about what we eat or how much we exercise. It lives deeper—in the vibrant, resilient place where our minds and bodies meet.

In my own personal journey and work as a psychologist, I’ve distilled what keeps that place thriving into what I call the Five Pillars of Mental Fitness. You can think of these pillars as the structural beams that hold up a life that feels purposeful, energized, and joyful from the inside out. 

After all, true health isn't just about what we eat or how much we exercise. It's about feeling vibrant, resilient, and joyful from the inside out! 

1. Mindset: Reward vs. Punishment

For decades, “fitness” meant carving our bodies into a certain aesthetic through deprivation and drill-sergeant workouts. No wonder so many of us feel defeated before we start. I invite you to flip that script.

In other words, find your joy in movement! I move because I love my body, not because I’m at war with it. 

Consider these two pieces of evidence:

• According to a meta-analysis published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) Psychiatry in 2023, physical activity is as effective as treatments like psychotherapy or medication for easing symptoms of depression and anxiety. 

• A 2020 study in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health (IJERPH) showed that people who choose activities they genuinely enjoy report greater body satisfaction and mental well-being. 

So what’s the move here? Recondition your mindset to look at fitness as a reward, not a punishment. Healthy and nutritious eating should feel good! Normalize it as your standard lifestyle rather than a diet. 

2. Self-Talk: Your Inner Ally vs. Your Inner Critic

The conversations you have with yourself shape your reality. So if your internal dialogue were broadcast over a loudspeaker, would you cringe? 

Many of us speak to ourselves in tones we’d never use with a friend. Research consistently links negative self-talk to heightened stress, lower self-esteem, and a greater risk of depression. The antidote is self-compassion—treating ourselves with the same warmth we offer others.

Here’s a simple exercise to help reframe negative self-talk:

1. Notice a critical thought, e.g.,“I’ll never stick to this routine.”

2. Pause. Ask, “Would I say that to my best friend?”

3. Rephrase as an ally: “Consistency is hard, but I’ve succeeded before—I can start again today.”

Each gentle correction builds resilience like a muscle strengthening over time.

3. Stress Management: Navigating Unique Pressures

Life comes with unique pressures, and for many, societal and internalized challenges can amplify stress. 

Women in particular often navigate additional layers of stress: caregiving loads, workplace bias, and body policing. In fact, the APA’s Stress in America surveys show women consistently report higher stress than men, especially women of color. 

Women can also internalize oppression, often subtly and unconsciously, due to being raised in a patriarchal society. That could appear in various forms:

• Self-deprecating remarks and body shaming

• "I'm not like other girls" mentality

• Horizontal hostility/competition among women

• Accepting or defending sexist jokes/comments

• Prioritizing male comfort/approval

• Victim-blaming

• Conforming to restrictive gender roles

I explain more about internalized oppression in another blog post—but my main point here is that it’s crucial that women stop internalizing oppression. It’s a toxic behavior that directly harms our well-being, limits our potential, and ultimately reinforces the very systems that oppress us. This compounding stress can feel overwhelming.

Speaking your truth, setting healthy boundaries, and building strong relationships are powerful forms of stress management. When we recognize and address these layers of pressure, it prevents overwhelm and helps us flourish.

We’re also rewiring our nervous systems for safety and solidarity. A big win because community and advocacy are potent remedies.

Practice:

• Speak up: A calm “That comment doesn’t sit right with me” counts.

• Link arms: Replace hostility with intentional uplift—share a colleague’s achievement, mentor a younger sister, refuse gossip that pits women against one another.

• Anchor daily: A 90-second grounding breath, a brisk walk, or placing a hand on your heart can reset cortisol cycles before they snowball.

• Learn about feminism and patriarchy: Understanding the historical and systemic roots of gender inequality can help contextualize internalized oppression.

4. Rest & Recovery: The Forgotten Pillar

In our fast-paced world, rest is often seen as a luxury or even a weakness. Hustle culture even tells us rest is a reward for productivity. 

But biology tells a different story. Sleep orchestrates hormone balance, cellular repair, and memory consolidation. Skimp on it and everything—mood, immunity, appetite—suffers.

A few ideas:

• Aim for 7-9 hours nightly (imperfectly, but persistently). 

• Twenty minutes of pre-bed wind-down, like journaling, gentle stretches, or a warm shower, can also signal to your brain that it’s safe to power down. 

• Mid-day, try a five-minute sensory check-in: notice three things you can see, two you can hear, one you can feel. This can lower heart rate and sharpen focus.

Rest should be non-negotiable, so choose one restorative practice, like a nature walk, warm bath, or a tech-free cup of tea. Then schedule it like any other appointment.

5. Community & Sangha: We Are Wired For Connection!

Humans are a profoundly social species; our nervous systems literally attune to the people around us. When we feel seen and supported, heart rate variability improves, cortisol falls, and the immune system rallies. Not to mention, strong social connections are linked to reduced risk of depression and anxiety, improved self-esteem, increased resilience, and even longer, healthier lives (Holt-Lunstad, 2010; Cacioppo et al., 2014; CDC, 2023).

Conversely, chronic loneliness activates the same threat circuits as physical pain and is now considered as harmful to long-term health as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day (U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Epidemic of Loneliness, 2023).

To build your tribe:

• Name your circles. List the groups you already belong to—family, friends, yoga class, and so on. Seeing these circles on paper reminds the brain you are not alone.

• Practice micro-reach-outs. Tiny moments of mutual care keep circuits of belonging active.

• Seek affinity and stretch. Spend time with people who share your lived experience and those who widen your perspective. Both sameness and diversity nourish psychological safety in different ways.

• Offer, don’t just ask. Community thrives on contribution. Share a recipe, a skill, or something else. Giving elevates oxytocin for the giver and the receiver—double medicine.

Your Next Micro-Step

Mental fitness isn’t an all-or-nothing makeover; it’s thousands of micro-decisions that steer us toward vibrancy. What’s one small step you’ll take this week? Maybe you’ll swap “I have to run” for “I get to dance,” set a loving boundary at work, or go lights-out thirty minutes earlier.

Even one small commitment can set the whole system in motion. Choose your first step, anchor it this week, and notice how quickly momentum builds.

If you’re ready for deeper support, I’d love to walk alongside you:

• Individual care. I offer trauma-informed therapy that integrates evidence-based practice with mind-body wisdom. Schedule a session to start cultivating your own pillars of mental fitness.

• Team & community programs. From half-day workshops to multi-day retreats, I design experiences that weave psychology, yoga, and nervous-system science into practical tools your group can use right away. Contact me to explore bringing this work to your organization or event.

Together, we can create the conditions for a life that feels vibrant, resilient, and deeply your own.