Stop Taking Advice from People Who Aren’t Living the Life You Want

Reclaiming Self-Trust in a World That Rewards Compliance

High performers don’t crowd-source identity. They cultivate regulation, clarity, and self-trust — and filter advice through alignment, not approval

There was a time in my life when I did not trust my own voice.

I was hyper-attuned to everyone else’s opinions.

Careful. Agreeable. Accommodating.

A chronic approval-seeker disguised as “considerate.”

I was so programmed to listen outward that I lost contact with what I actually felt.

And when you lose your internal compass, you start building a life by committee.

I entered an arranged marriage that did not feel aligned in my body.I stayed in relationships and friendships that drained me.I tolerated dynamics that looked “fine” on paper but felt constricting in my nervous system.

My body knew.

My intuition knew.

My sleep shifted.

My chest tightened.

My energy dropped.

But I overrode it — because I was trained to.

Trained to prioritize harmony over truth.

Trained to avoid disappointing others.

Trained to believe that agreement equals safety.

That is not emotional intelligence.

That is self-abandonment.

And self-abandonment always costs you.

“That is not emotional intelligence. That is self-abandonment.”

The Neuroscience of Approval-Seeking

As a clinical psychologist, I now understand what was happening.

When you grow up rewarded for compliance, your nervous system links approval with safety.

Disagreement feels dangerous.Saying no feels like rejection.Trusting yourself feels like rebellion.

Your body interprets “What will they think?” as a survival-level question.

So you outsource authority.

You ask everyone.

You poll the room.

You dilute your clarity.

And slowly, your voice gets quieter.

But here’s what most people don’t realize:

When you override your intuition repeatedly, your nervous system becomes dysregulated. You live in low-grade tension. Chronic vigilance. Subtle resentment.

You look functional — but you feel fragmented.

What Changed Everything

Ironically, part of my rewiring happened under a barbell.

As a bikini bodybuilder, progressive overload is non-negotiable.

Under the weight, there is no committee.There is only feedback.

Lift or don’t.

Commit or don’t.

Show up or don’t.

Muscle doesn’t respond to consensus.

It responds to tension + recovery.

So does identity.

Every time I chose alignment over approval, I built psychological muscle.

Every time I said no when my body said no, I restored trust.

Every time I stopped asking for permission, my nervous system stabilized.

I began to understand something foundational:

Regulation requires self-trust.And self-trust requires action.

“Muscle doesn’t respond to consensus. It responds to tension + recovery. So does identity.”

Stop Taking Advice from People Who Aren’t Where You Want to Be

Let me say this clearly:

If someone does not have the relationship you want…

the health you want…

the peace you want…

the business you want…

the leadership presence you want…

They should not be shaping your decisions.

High performers filter advice by:

• Credibility

• Character

• Results

• Alignment

  
  

Not accessibility.

If someone lives in chronic burnout, they cannot define sustainable success for you.

If someone tolerates emotional chaos, they cannot teach you secure partnership.

If someone is reactive, rigid, or resentful, they cannot mentor you in regulation.

You are allowed to outgrow people’s expectations.

You are allowed to disappoint people who benefited from your silence.

You are allowed to choose differently.

The Cost of Losing Your Voice

When you silence yourself long enough, you:

• Enter relationships that don’t feel safe

• Stay in environments that limit you

• Confuse loyalty with self-erasure

• Call compliance “maturity”

• Mistake anxiety for intuition

You may look stable.

But internally, your system is bracing.

That bracing shows up as:

• Chronic muscle tension

• Sleep disruption

• Irritability

• Brain fog

• Hormonal dysregulation

• Emotional exhaustion

Your nervous system is not being dramatic.

It is reporting misalignment.

“Regulation requires self-trust. And self-trust requires action.”

A Self-Trust Audit

If you are rebuilding your voice, start here:

• Do I feel expanded or contracted after taking their advice?

• Does my body feel calm or tight when I imagine following their path?

• Am I seeking wisdom — or approval?

• If no one had an opinion, what would I choose?

• What has my intuition been trying to tell me that I keep overriding?

The last question changed my life.

When I finally trusted my own opinion fully — without cushioning it in consensus — everything shifted.

My relationships improved.My business accelerated.My leadership deepened.My body transformed.

Because clarity creates power.

“Your nervous system is not being dramatic. It is reporting misalignment.”

From Passive to Embodied

I used to be a passive communicator.

Now I teach assertiveness as a regulated behavior — not a personality trait.

Assertiveness is not aggression. It is nervous system stability under pressure.

It is the ability to say:

“This does not feel aligned for me.”“I’m choosing differently.”“That doesn’t work for me.”

Without collapse.

Without over-explaining.

Without shame.

That is embodied leadership.

“You are allowed to disappoint people who benefited from your silence.”

Your Intuition Is Data

Your intuition is not irrational.

It is pattern recognition built from years of lived experience.

Your nervous system scans for safety before your brain constructs language.

If something consistently feels wrong in your body — constricted, heavy, agitating — pay attention.

You don’t need more opinions.

You need more embodiment.

Final Truth

Listening to everyone is the fastest way to dilute your life.

Crowd-sourced identity creates confusion.

Your life will change when you:

• Stop outsourcing authority

• Strengthen your body

• Regulate your nervous system

• Clarify your values

• Filter your inputs

• Trust your own voice

“Crowd-sourced identity creates confusion.”

I do not want you entering relationships that feel wrong.

I do not want you staying in dynamics that shrink you.

I do not want you building a life that looks good externally but feels misaligned internally.

You are not here to be agreeable.

You are here to be aligned.

Stop asking everyone.

Start listening inward.

And only take advice from people who embody the future you are building.

Everything changeswhen you trust yourself.

“You are not here to be agreeable. You are here to be aligned.”

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About the Author

Dr. Manmeet “Mini” Kaur Rattu, Psy.D., M.S. is a California-licensed clinical psychologist, Stanford Psychiatry YogaX faculty member, and founder of UNSTUCK™: Burnout to Breakthrough. She integrates neuroscience, schema therapy, CBT, polyvagal theory, and high-performance embodiment training to help leaders build regulated, resilient, and powerful lives from the inside out.

A competitive bikini bodybuilder and entrepreneur, Dr. Mini bridges science and strength — teaching high-achieving professionals how to move from chronic self-abandonment to embodied leadership.

Learn more at drmini.co.