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How to Deal with Failure

Updated: Jun 8, 2023

It’s easy to get stuck on failure. In fact, studies show that we tend to spend a lot of time dwelling on the negative, and are easily distracted from optimism when we experience an unexpected mishap. Even when we are fairly happy.

On average, we have 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day, and many of these are ruminative of losses and failures. Our brain will think and re-think of situations that didn’t work well on instinct to serve and protect us from future pain. In the short term, it might seem functional, but when we get absorbed on failure, it begins to weigh us down physically and emotionally.

Chronic worry can lead to depression, anxiety and ultimately manifest into stress-related conditions such as heart disease, chronic pain, and diabetes. It’s pretty easy to go from good to bad but far harder to shift from bad to good. We literally have to work harder to see the upside of things. However, working in such a way also has benefits and can require your brain toward better health. By putting ourselves in situations where we feel good, connected, and whole will bring us back to a positive mindset and remind us that resilience is possible.

Scientific research has also proven that healthy habits such as keeping a gratitude journal, daily affirmations, meditation, exercise, and social support can improve our emotional and physical health. So just because you’re having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. In taking the time to do what we need to take care of ourselves, we allow our mind for space to evaluate thoughts.

Reframing Failure

Ever look at those who seem to have it all?

The true leaders we admire and look up to? Those who rose to their greatness with intense struggle?

Those are the stories that make our heart rejoice and ugly cry tears of joy when we see them reach their full potential!!! WE HEART UNDERDOGS FOR A REASON.


Because intuitively, we know resilience and ability have no meaning without adversity and catastrophe. Rising above darkness, determination and discipline are constructed by knowing what it is to be at a place you never want to be. Even compassion has less value without knowing suffering.

The equation of true success always includes failure, challenges, and adversity. Failure is feedback. Failure is information on what’s not working. Use it to your advantage.

So be grateful for all of it. The successes and the challenges. The joys and the pain. The yin and the yang. The dark and the light. Because alone, they are meaningless, neutral. But if you want to truly know the feeling of pure bliss, true happiness, find gratitude in each of your circumstances.

Every person and situation that shows up in every condition in our life are an orchestration from our higher wisdom; constantly aligning and realigning for you to be all you were put on this planet to be. There is a heroic force of nature that resides inside all of us. It may rest dormant at times, but it is always there- to thrive, to serve, to lead, to protect.

Everything that happens to us can be used to lift us higher, to make us braver, to make us stronger, to fuel our integrity, to grow to heightened levels of awareness, to be more creative, to be better, and happier. But only if you can see it.

It can help to have a strong support system as you work on your relationship with failure. Therapy gives you the space to respond to difficult experiences like failure in a beneficial way. If you’re interested in learning more, you can message me to set up a free consultation for therapy or worldwide coaching.

Be well always.


-Dr. Mini

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1 Comment

Hi, I have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD with BPD so I have a lot of work to do with myself. It's all very overwhelming.


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